1 Week

This week I made a decision to take a week off of work this summer.  During that time, I will make a trip to Mexico and spend time at Refuge Ranch, where I lived with my family for 2 years in high school.  As I thought about going back I realized how much I've missed the lifestyle and culture that existed at the Ranch.  You see, Refuge Ranch is a home where children are adopted from broken and abandoned families.  It's not an orphanage.  It is a place where children are adopted into one large family and shown the love of Jesus.  They work to earn a good education and watch as their parents strive to honor God.  It was absolutely amazing to watch the children grow over the two years that I was there.  It was cool to watch as they gained knowledge from school and blossomed in the love from God that flowed through their parents.  It was awesome to watch the kids learn to give love back and learn to trust God with their desires.

As I contemplated everything I had grown to love at the Ranch I remembered how I first got involved there.  I have a vague memory of the two co-founders of the organization coming to my church when I was very small.  But what I really remember was a trip in elementary school.  It was my first mission trip and it was to Refuge Ranch with my family.  It lasted one week and I was in love.  When the time came to leave I was not prepared for the overwhelming feelings of sorrow.  Two years later, when my church planned another trip, my family joined again.  This time we knew that we were going to go move down long term eventually, but it was still just a one week trip. Saying goodbye to people you love will never be easy, and that was true as I left the ranch.

I have since lived at Refuge Ranch and moved back, as mentioned previously.  I got to take part in Evangelical Medical Mission Crusades organized by Fishers of Men (the organization that also runs Refuge Ranch).  It has been more than three years since I have visited Mexico.  During this time, one of the children died from surgical complications, new buildings are beginning to be built to aid expansion of the family, and all of the children have grown.  I'm sure that the younger children don't remember me.

When I look at current photos of the kids, I am amazed at the change that can be seen physically.  I am sure that they have all also experienced a lot of change spiritually as well.  It has been 3 years.  Not only have they changed, so have I.  I've nearly survived through my first year of college (2 more weeks).  I am still learning how to show God's love to people.  I have most definitely changed as well over these past three years.  I hope that my spiritual life has matured as much as the kids have changed physically over these three years.

 It took me one week to fall in love with the culture, the smiles, the land, and the people of Refuge Ranch.  I have not forgotten the love of that one week.  Many years have passed since that very first one week trip.  I have changed and grown a lot since that first one week trip.  God  changed me during that trip, but I have recently realized that He has been trying to change me every week since then.  He has been trying to sculpt me and smooth out my roughness.  He is trying to make me into a Godly woman.  There are definitely days and weeks and months when I fight His hands.  Sometimes I like a particular rough patch and don't want it smoothed out.  Sometimes it hurts to let certain parts of me go.  But God doesn't give up.  He gives me the necessary grace.  In one week in Mexico, God changed me.  I have to wonder how my life would be different if I had given Him every week after that like I gave him that one week.  A lot happens over three years.  A lot can happen over one week when we let God be in charge.  It's easy to take charge of your own life, but it's amazing when you let God take control, to sculpt and mold you into his intended creation.

No one calls on your name or strives to lay hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us and have given us over to our sins.  Yet you, Lord, are our Father.  We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64: 7-8 (emphasis added)

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Thoughts from a Pensive Weekend

After supper I get up from the table and help my family put the leftovers into the fridge.  I have to rearrange everything in the refrigerator just to get everything to fit.  We've all been there.  Sometimes it just feels like a time-consuming annoyance.  However, as these words escape my mouth I realize that this is really a blessing.  I have so much food that some of it will probably go bad before my family can eat it all.  

After I've cleaned up supper, I do my homework.  Some nights this takes me four hours.  I don't want to complain about this because it's an opportunity that many children don't ever have.  I should be thankful for my education, homework included.  there are many people in this world who are smarter than me, but they never receive an education.  I've done nothing to earn this "right."  It's something I was born into, and for that I thank God.

At the end of my day I walk into the bathroom where my brother just took a shower.  I can't see myself in the mirror because his shower had hot, running water and the mirror is foggy.  This is yet another luxury that many people don't have.

Before I climb into bed I sit in my hammock that is in front of the mural that I painted my sophomore year of high school.  I pray and thank God for friends, a working body, a mind that readily absorbs information, and for his compassion, that is new every morning.  Without Him, I wouldn't be anything.  He gives me a new beginning every single day.  

I wrote the above section during high school, but feel that it is a good beginning of my thoughts as this week begins.  This past weekend, I got to spend some time thinking about my life with my friend who does ministry in Kyrgzstan.  I met him when I was in Mexico.  This weekend I spent a long time talking to him and discussing a lot of where I am in my growth in life in general and towards God.  We discussed what goals I want to pursue and what goals I am actually pursuing with what I am currently doing.

He helped me realize a lot of things about myself while we conversed.  He also helped me see how off-center my life currently is.  It's something that I've known in the back of my mind, but has been easy to push away and ignore.  I'm thankful for people like my friend, who are willing to let God use them.  I'm also thankful that as I begin to work on issues that were pointed out to me this weekend that God gives me new compassion and opportunity every morning.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 

What do You See?

It's exam season!  Before my most recent exam, I sat down next to a friend.  (Yay, I have one now!! :P )  I started talking to her as she traced words in pen that were written in her notebook.  I glanced at it and saw that it was labelled "prayer before a test."  She saw me glancing at it and apologized to me.  I'm not really sure why she felt the need to apologize for praying, but I just sort of shrugged the apology off.  Since the door was open, I proceeded to steer the conversation towards some of my recent thoughts.

I told her that this whole semester I've been asking myself, "Am I good enough?  Am I smart enough?  Am I hard-working enough?  Do I manage time well enough?  Am I good enough to do what I need to do as a student and as a person at Purdue and in this world?"  As this semester has grinded on and I've continued to question, and my conclusion has been that I am NOT enough.  But I have also realized that I am not supposed to be enough.  God has put me where I am today.  He has put me here to shine His light, not mine.  If I was good enough to excel ridiculously easily, I would not depend on Him.  It would be much harder to show that it is through God that I can be successful.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

While I was talking with my friend before the exam, I knew that God told us his grace would be shown in our weaknesses, and I knew that it was in one of the books written by Paul, but I could not remember where the verse was located.  She asked me where it came from, and I referenced all of the times in the Bible when God used the least likely person to accomplish great things (Moses, Rahab, Paul, most of the disciples, etc).  I am not the smartest or the greatest at anything.  I would be a fool to think that I was.  But I do serve the most powerful and most amazing God who uses everyone and everything for his purpose.

I did not anticipate to see God before my Biology exam, but I did.  I saw Him in my friend saying her prayer.  I thought about Him as I spoke to her about my thoughts.  I do now know how I did on the exam yet, but I know that I did my best, and I know that God will use whatever grade I got for His glory.  My only job is to let Him have the glory.  It is very easy for me to forget to look for God in the little things, but clearly when I take the time to look for Him, He is always here, with me.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Abraham and Isaac

There is a story in the Old Testament that I really like.  The story of Abraham and Isaac.  You can find it in Genesis 17-22.  But I will summarize it here as well.  Abraham and his wife were too old to have children.  God promised them a son long after the time in their lives when they would have expected to have children.  God also promised that their son would be the beginning of a lineage of many nations that would be God's people.  Eventually, this actually happened and both Abraham and Sarah were amazed.  Abraham and Sarah now had one son.  They knew they would not have other children, so they loved Isaac dearly.

Then, God came to Abraham and told Abraham to sacrifice his son just as he would normally sacrifice a lamb.  Abraham was an obedient and Godly man, so he proceeded to take Isaac to the location chosen by God.  Just as Abraham was about to sacrifice his son, he was stopped by the angel of the Lord.  Abraham then found a ram caught in the bushes that he could sacrifice to his son.

In many ways, this story is similar to the story of Easter.  Isaac was already dead in Abraham's mind, because Abraham knew that he needed to follow God.  He also knew that God had promised that Isaac would have many descendants, so while Abraham did not know how God was going to fulfill His promise, Abraham did know that it would be fulfilled.  In the same way, Jesus' followers did not know how Jesus was going to fulfill his promises, but they knew that they would be fulfilled, because He was the messiah.  My thoughts were on these parallels yesterday as I enjoyed an Easter dinner and time with my family.

Today, my mind moves to how the story of Abraham and Isaac relates to my life.  I know that God has a plan for me that is much greater than anything I would ever be able to even imagine.  I don't know how this plan is going to happen, which terrifies me.  I like to have plans.  However, I do know that His plans will come to fruition, just as they did with Jesus and Abraham.  I also know that God's goal is not to make me happy.  I'm sure that Abraham was not happy when God asked him to sacrifice his son.  But I also know that it worked out in the end.  God may ask me to give up parts of myself.  He may ask me to give up friends and relationships.  He will ask me to give up bad habits.  Again, His goal is not to make me happy.  However, he does want what is best for me.  He asks me to be holy.  To be separate from the world.

As a baby, I tried to eat dog food.  My parents have informed me that they stopped me whenever I tried to get into the dog food.  I'm sure that at the time, I was not happy with them.  I could not see that dog food was not the best thing for me.  I did not know that there were things that tasted better and would be of better nutritional content.  In the same way, I still cannot see the whole picture that God can.  When I say that He does not want me to be happy, I say that because I know that what He does in my life may not seem like the best thing for me when it is happening.  However, I do know that His Plan is better for my life than my plan is.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo