After a ten year battle with cancer, my aunt died partway through this semester. She taught me how to paint and I spent numerous hours in her basement and art studio with her and my grandma with both of them teaching me.
When I told my church that I could help out with some of their artistic needs, I didn't realize how it would effect me. I helped decorate a chalkboard with chalkboard markers for their coffee shop. The Maple leaf, apple, and pumpkin were done by me. While I used the chalk markers, I couldn't help but think back on my Aunt who had worked with me to show me how to paint with her.
This past week, I did a quick painting at a creative station at a service at church and someone told me that it was really cool that I knew how to use a spatula. I wasn't using the spatula correctly and explained how I had seen my aunt use one in her paintings.
My aunt taught me much more than how to paint. She showed me what it looked like to not give up. She showed me how to be joyful in circumstances. Even as her body failed as a result of its own mutations, she kept trusting God.
The last project that I painted with her was a few years ago. We each painted our own chair. The legs of the chair are covered in my favorite Bible verses. Each time I use my chair, I think back to her. I think of her telling me to 'keep my tail up' as a reminder to keep my paint brush vertical. I think of her giving me my giant stuffed frog on my thirteenth birthday, to remind me to 'Fully Rely On God.'
This past week, I have been up until somewhere between 1am-3am every night doing homework, and had still made it to my 8:30 classes. Last night, I went grocery shopping, came home and watched a movie while I crocheted. I went to bed at midnight and rolled out of bed at 11:30 this morning. It feels amazing to let my body take a much needed break. I even took some time to cook while listening to praise music this morning.
This morning, I have relished in taking the time to pray. While I have tried to take the time to spend with God this semester, it has not been a simple task. This morning, as I watched the chocolate melt on my stove and the snow fall outside my window, I realized that I don't know where God is going to lead me in life. I know that He is calling me to Latin America when I finish my education. But I don't know where precisely. I don't know what I'm going to be doing. I don't know if I'm going to be working with an organization or starting my own. And this morning, I realized that I'm okay with that. If this semester and my aunt have taught me anything, it's that trusting and finding my joy in God is the only thing that I can do in this world of chaos. I don't get to control a lot of what happens to me, my family, or my friends, but I do get to decide how to react to it. Today, I'm trusting God, with the faith and knowledge that He has the best plan for my life.
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors serve beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."
Joshua 24:15
Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,
Jo
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