Learning on the Struggle Bus

College is designed to be a challenge.  It's meant to cause you to struggle.  If it wasn't a challenge I wouldn't grow.  If I didn't struggle, I wouldn't know how far I can push myself.  This semester, as I've attempted to balance upper-level classwork, working, and completing house requirements; I've struggled.

It's been a struggle to get enough sleep.  It's been a struggle to spend daily time with God.  It's been a struggle to get all of my homework done at my standards.  Getting to class and work and focusing is difficult on days when I've slept less than 5 hours.

But I'm almost done.  I've almost completed the semester.  I have just over two weeks until I take my last final of the semester and the semester comes to a close.  I don't know how this semester will finish academically.  Only by the grace of God will it be 100% successful academically this semester.

But no matter how it turns out, this semester hasn't been a waste.  This semester, God has taught me what it is like to live in community with others.

As I began this semester, I was living with 32  other women for the first time.  While I've lived in a large group of people before, this was different.  Instead of having people of various ages and a few families living in close quarters, this is 33 college-aged women cooperating together.

When I moved in, I did not know the majority of them.  Of the few that I did know, I did not know them well.  This was nerve-wracking for a couple of reasons. I'm introverted and cherish my alone time that allows me to recharge.  Now, I share my study space with a roommate, sleep in one room with all 33 of us, and cook and share meals with others.  Secondly, I have had the same small group of close friends since elementary school.  I prefer to have a few deep relationships over many shallow relationships.  33 people is a lot of people to know and interact with on a regular basis for me.

As the semester wore on and I struggled through everything, my roommates offered a unique support system around me.  While I had had this at previously, I had forgotten how good it was to have.  When I was exhausted and tired, they loved me and told me it would be okay.  When I was overwhelmed and stressed out, they loved me and reminded me that everything was in God's hands.  When I didn't know what was going on with my health, they loved me and prayed for healing.

Each night, before dinner we have devotions together.  When I lived by myself I could go an entire day without having a complete conversation with another person.  Now I find myself having deep conversations with people on a regular basis.

As this semester winds down, I have been well rested the past couple of weeks.  I have been able to manage my work better, and I'm healthy.  But better than all of that, I am beginning to see how important relationships are within the body of Christ.

A good friend once pointed out that ministry is relational, and I knew that the friend was right.  However, I had forgotten how to form new relationships.  Now, as this semester comes to a close, I see God gently reminding me and showing me how to form relationships.  Showing me that I am not meant to be alone in this world.  I am meant to support others and be supported by others.

This process has just begun, but I'm excited to see where God is taking me.

How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity! 

Psalm 133:1

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Receiving Blessings

In the past 7 years, I have moved 9 times.  (To Mexico for two years, To my grandma's house for a few weeks, To my aunt's house for a few months, To a house my parents owned for a couple of years, To a college dorm, To a house for the summer, To an apartment for a school year, To a house for the summer, And now to the house I will reside in for this school year).  Moving can be a bit of a headache.  Packing, cleaning, lifting, carrying, unpacking, reorganizing, and getting into a new routine can be a challenge.

All of this said, I have learned to enjoy moving.  Moving gives me the chance to go through my things and ask myself if I really need to keep it.  It gives me a very tangible reminder that nothing on this earth is truly permanent.  Moving reminds me that my home isn't anywhere on this Earth, and that I will only truly be home when I'm with Jesus in heaven.

Moving also allows me to experience new things.  Things like a new language, a new community, a new culture, cooking for myself, cooking for others, meeting new people, or finding a new church.

Moving has meant that I have to remove some things from my life in order to experience the new things that are coming into my life.  I have had to get rid of physical items or leave a community of people that I've loved.

Much of life is about changing and growing through the changes.  Much like the changes that I've experienced in my moves, in order to fully experience the growth through the change, I have to be willing to allow God to take what I may perceive as good so that I can experience the new blessings.  I loved living in an apartment by myself during my sophomore year of college, but without leaving that cozy comfort zone, I would not have the opportunity to live with 32 other women who are doing their best to live Christ-centered lives.

While in the nursery at my church today, I witnessed a child holding onto one toy while attempting to play with another.  He was making twice as many trips to pick up and move toys because he couldn't use both hands.  This lead to an inability to fully enjoy the new toy, because he wasn't dropping the old one.  In life, I find myself struggling like this child.  I want to embrace God's blessings, but I don't want to let go of what I think is already good enough.

As I grow and experience change, I need to be open to discover where God is pointing me each and every moment.  I should be letting God weed the things out of my life that are preventing me from enjoying his true blessings for my life.  I need to remember that his wisdom is much more profound than my own.  As I struggle to hold onto one toy, I am not able to fully embrace the blessing that he is trying to give me.  I must be willing to have Him put something better into both of my hands, even if that means Him removing something else from my childish hands.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3: 13-14

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

A Lesson from a Picnic Table

At the beginning of this summer I moved into a house that I would live in for a few months while working in an office on Purdue's campus.  While I enjoy my job, I quickly become tired of spending all day in the windowless rooms at work, so I try to spend as much time as possible outside when I am not at work.

The house I am living in has a little backyard and a picnic table where I spend a portion of my time reading and writing.  However, the picnic table had paint that was peeling off in large pieces at the beginning of the summer.  Each time I sat at the picnic table I wondered if I should do something to improve the table, but I continuously told myself that I didn't need to.  I am only living here for a few months and it seemed silly to invest the time, energy, and money into buying the supplies, stripping the paint, and redoing the table.

I eventually resolved to take on the project, as I wanted to enjoy the table more when I was outside.  I spoke to someone who lived in the house on a more normal basis to get permission and then began the process of peeling, chipping, and sanding the surface of the table.

I spent many hours working through this project.  As I sat outside each night removing as much paint as possible so that a new coat of stain would be able to soak in and protect the table, I wondered if this project was really worth the effort.  It seemed like the summer would be nearly half over by the time I finished.

The picnic table in progress as I chipped, scraped, sanded, and brushed the paint bits off.

 Eventually I realized that it really shouldn't matter to me how long I was going to be able to use the table.  I cannot base my decisions of what to do based on the duration of time I will have it in this world.  Everything in this world is going to be temporary, no matter how nice it looks or how great the quality is.  As a college student, much of my life is temporary: the longest I maintain a particular schedule is 16 weeks and I have not lived in one place for more than 9 months in the past 2 years.

It would be really easy to ignore my roommates' existence for a few months.  It would be easy to decide that it doesn't make sense to grow close to them, since I won't be living with most of them for very long and probably won't see them very often once the summer is over.  It would be very easy to only focus on academics during the school year, because that feels more permanent than people or other activities.  It would be easy to drop club activities, as I could work on other things besides being in meetings for a few hours each week.

But as I worked on the picnic table, I remembered that everything in this world is temporary.   Working on this table enabled me to realize that I can learn eternal lessons from temporary things in the world.  If I hadn't stained the table, I would have never learned that gloves really are a necessity when using chemical paint stripper.  If I hadn't interacted with my roommates, I would not have experienced spontaneous movie nights full of laughter and confusion, gone star-gazing to see Mars early in the summer, or eaten as much delicious homemade food.

Everything in this world is going to fade away.  Whether this happens in a few months or over the course of many years, I want to remember that what really matters is growing, learning, and experiencing God's presence as much as possible.  Even though everything in this world is temporary, I can still learn eternal lessons from it.  I can live in the temporary and build treasures in the permanent.

The fresh stain after a rainstorm a few weeks ago

I stained the table, and now I don't have to worry about getting pieces of paint on my computer as I write blogs or type poetry.  At the end of the summer, when I move out, I will no longer be able to sit in this quiet backyard and watch the squirrels play in the trees or read novels.  But I learned a lesson from my temporary project.  I am learning lessons through the temporary relationships I have with my roommates.  The new tenants of the house will be able to enjoy a nicer table and I'll be able to share what I have learned with new roommates and acquaintances as I continue into my third year at Purdue.  

While everything is temporary, it is not useless if it is done with the focus and glory directed to God. 

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.

Ecclesiastes 12:12

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Matthew 6:20

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

A Summer Contemplation

This summer I have been attending a Bible study with my church here in West Lafayette.  The past couple of weeks we have spent time individually in prayer after the lesson, rather than breaking into small groups.  I have found this time to be invaluable.  While I do try to take time to be in silence with God all year round, the academic year can quickly become overwhelming and rushed, causing my devotional time to become a 5 minute Bible reading with a brief breath prayer before crashing into bed for a few hours in anticipation of an early morning class the next day.  Taking my own time to be with God this summer and this time at Bible study have been great reminders of how important this time is for me.

Something that I've been thinking about for the past couple of months was also touched on in Bible study this Thursday.

I've lived a very large portion of my life like a long checklist to be a 'good' Christian.

Go to church every Sunday: Check.
Go on a mission trip over a school break: Check.
Read the Bible each day: Check.
Volunteer regularly: Check.
Love others: Check.
Tell people you'll pray for them with a reassuring pat on the back: Check.
Participate in a community group: Check.

The more time I spend each day with God, the more I am able to embrace the idea that this has to be about following God with my whole heart and not about dragging my feet to complete the little boxes next to my checklist to be a good churchy girl.  While this is something that I've known for a very long time, this is something that I struggle to live out.  I like checklists and rules.  I have always been pretty good at following them.  They make sense to me.

But when I look at the truth written in the Bible, my salvation doesn't depend on me.  No matter how many of the little check boxes I complete, I will not go to heaven without the grace and forgiveness of God through the blood of Jesus.  Nothing that I do will change that.

Jesus loves me in my brokenness, not because of anything I've done but because of his grace.  I go to church not because I need to follow a sequence of rules but because I have a God given desire to worship God and be in his presence.  The Christian fellowship I experience at church and in a community group gives me an opportunity to experience relationship---an integral part of ministry.  Volunteering allows me to spread the love of Jesus, not because it's something that I'm supposed to do, but because I should be so filled with excitement and joy about Jesus' love that I CAN'T contain it.  I should read the Bible not because it's an obligation, but because I'm hungry to grow and learn about God in new ways.  I should pray for others because it is an act of Christ's love for them.

My life can't be a list of rules or a checklist of things to do.  It must be more than that.  And with God's grace and the guidance of the God-loving people that surround me, that is what my life is becoming.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Depthless

Red brick
Thick paint
Colossal buildings
Scuffed floors
Gummy tables
Loud people
Women with makeup
And men in ties
Hurting and broken
With smiles
Damaged and torn
New construction
New brick
New paint
Soon to decay
But don't forget to smile

This poem was written in early April.  I have been writing more poetry lately, most of which is a way to process my thoughts.  Most are mediocre but this one felt like it was worth sharing today. 

Let Me Be Honest

My sophomore year of college was rough.  I had some things thrown at me that I wish hadn't happened at all.  I made a lot of mistakes.  And I acted in an immature way and didn't handle my emotions well through processing a lot of it.  I wish I could say that I grieve death well or that I didn't blame myself for the actions of others, but the truth is that I did.  I do.  And so I didn't blog very much during that time.  I didn't want to write out of raw emotions or simply as a reaction to the things go on around me.

It felt weird to let myself stop writing my weekly blogs at first.  I don't want to pretend that everything in my life is great and perfect, and part of me felt that not publishing what was happening was a lie.  But I wanted to write about the bad things when I was able to step back and look at the whole picture.

Today I'm writing this with raw fingers after failing to get all of the paint off of a picnic table with chemical paint stripper.  And there are still raw emotions here, because I am a human being, and being emotional does not need to be a bad thing.

Last summer I broke up with my boyfriend after returning from my trip to Mexico.  Throughout the year and a half long relationship I had had with him, I had experienced a lack of sureness.  While in Mexico, I experienced vivid clarity and I knew that I needed to end the relationship.  However, the aftermath of the breakup is not what I had hoped it would be.  There were many emotional messages sent to each other.  I blamed myself for the way he was feeling and spent a lot of time beating myself up about it.  I told myself that I was worthless and that I should never be in a romantic relationship again.  To some degree I isolated myself from the other friendships that I had.  It wasn't a healthy way of dealing with any of this.  I spent an abundance of time wallowing in self-pity about the failed relationship and struggled to focus in class or while doing homework as I reflected on what I could have done differently so that I hadn't hurt him and told myself that I was stupid.  A lot of what I did was foolish.  But if I ceaselessly dwell on them, I can't learn from them.  Part of the learning process is letting go.  

During the fall semester I also realized that I was not enjoying what I was studying.  I was a Biology major with minors in Spanish and Math.  I was enjoying the classes in my minors, but not in my major.  I was not processing emotions well, grieving the death of my aunt, blaming myself for the feelings of others, trying to volunteer, and work a part time job.  My grades dropped.  I had always earned very good grades.  My grades were always something that I could take pride in.  And so, I also realized that I had been defining myself through them.  While I could say, 'I work hard in school because I'm working for God, and not for men,' that would not have been the truth.  The truth is that I had previously worked hard in school because I wanted good grades to fulfill me.  I wanted to see a neat line of A's on my transcript at the end of each semester, not for God's glory, but for my own satisfaction.  And in the fall semester, I didn't earn the grades that I so desperately wanted.  I found myself unsatisfied by something that had had never let me down before.  Despite the fact that I have always known that true fulfillment will only come from God, I had not been living that out in my life.  This was extremely evident to me.

My spring semester was much smoother.  I changed my major.  I'm now studying Math Education with a Spanish minor.  I didn't maintain friendships with anyone from the Biology department.  That was difficult, but with the end of those relationships, I am given time to forge new more meaningful relationships that are founded on more than just taking the same classes and thus have the potential to last beyond college.

After the failure to achieve high levels academically during the fall semester, I struggled to regain my focus.  I wanted to find my motivation to study by seeing it as an act of worship.  I wanted to really study for God's glory and see it as something to be done for Him.  This was difficult for me, but I knew that I could not allow grades to be seen as a form of fulfillment any longer.  The process of changing where my motivation comes from is difficult.  It was easier in some classes than others.  I've got a long way to go, and that is okay.  I have a lifetime to work towards it.

My sophomore year was rough.  But God was with me every step of the way and gave me what I needed.  What I needed wasn't always what I wanted.  There were things that were hard to accept and I am still working to accept.

This is me.  I'm messy.  I'm human.  I'm damaged.
But,
God cleans.  God heals.  God restores.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Living

How do I define worship?  Singing words?  Praying to God?  Writing poetry?

I love words.  I love language.  Language enables me to express myself and understand others in ways that wouldn't be possible otherwise.  I couldn't write this blog without language or know how to operate a computer if I didn't know how to read.  I couldn't complain to my friends about how much homework I have to get done without words and I couldn't teach someone how to do very much without words.

But in many ways, language falls short of what I really want to express.  Perhaps my own knowledge of language is not sufficient, and if I understood it better I would be able to express myself better.  The whole purpose of language is to allow us to express ourselves in ways that wouldn't be possible otherwise.

Why then, if I find language so insufficient to express myself, do all of the typical methods of worship use only words?  Today, I want to think about worship differently.  I don't want my 'worship time' to only be at church on Sunday when I am singing praise and worship music. I don't want to just sing music while I am driving back to campus after spring break.  I want to live my life as worship.  Words are great.  I can use them to tell God that He's so fanflippingtastically amazing that I don't have words to describe it.  I can use them to tell God that I'm mad and upset and feel like my world is falling down around me and I don't understand what is going on.  I can use them to worship.  But wouldn't it be even cooler if every action I did was done in worship for Him?

Every academic and work assignment, done for His Glory.  Every dish washed, floor swept, or daily chore complete, to further His Kingdom.  Every conversation had, spent in gratitude that He created this person.  Every moment spent relaxing, spent remembering how great God is and the only true peace and rest is found in Him. Every time we repent and ask God for forgiveness, a reminder of Christ's sacrifice for us.

But Samuel replied: "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."

1 Samuel 15:22

Samuel is reprimanding Saul for not obeying God in this verse, after Saul had disobeyed and used the excuse that the commands he had not followed would enable him to make more sacrifices to God.  Samuel reminds Saul, and myself, that even if I follow the typical traditions of today to worship God, worship is much more than that.

What I cannot say, I must live.

What I have I done today to worship God?

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Enough

This morning, I woke up at 6:40 in a room with about 8 other women in it.  I .  None of them were stirring yet, as the day's activities were scheduled to begin at 8:30am.  I rolled out of bed as quietly as possible to grab my notebook and Bible and head out into the room where we had had worship together the night before.

I was at my church's women retreat, which started Friday evening and went through this morning.  I had decided to wake up well before the scheduled activities so that I could take some time and just be.  Not necessarily praying or reading, but just being.  Breathing and thinking, letting God speak if He chose or just letting my thoughts meander as they pleased.

The sun was just beginning to light the sky as I sat down with 

my Bible to spend some time with God.

The theme of the retreat was, "Enough."  We were reminded this weekend that God made us, and that He loves us.  He knows that we're flawed and he loves us through the flaws.  

As I prayed about that early this morning and reflected on it later with a small group, I realized that God made me to be imperfect, not because he wanted me to be miserable about it and beat myself up over it, but so that his strength can be seen in my weakness.  I am enough, not because I'm perfect, but because God can use my weakness for His glory.

God fulfills.  God heals.  God restores.  God pursues.  God is the only thing that will ever complete you.  

With that on my heart, I stepped outside to the frigid air.  It was not snowing,but there was a light dusting of snow in an occasional patch.  My face was almost instantly numb from the crisp air. 

 There were actually a couple of girls who I saw outside, so we trekked through the woods together, trying to decide if we were actually on a path.  We finally decided that it didn't really matter and meandered down the steep hill together.

Even in the cold, God showed us the beauty of His creation, as the sun cast some gorgeous rays on the tips of the intertwining branches as it emerged over the horizon.

 We arrived back inside and I snapped this picture of some of the paintings that were completed last night.  It was amazing to see the creativity in these women's minds and what God had placed on their hearts to paint, and how they expressed themselves.

Finally, I returned to the A-frame to watch the sun come through the trees.  Someone else sat in the loft, doing the same thing, and it was beautiful to be reminded that with the start of a new day, God told us that we were enough.  We didn't have to fulfill the expectations of parents, friends, teachers, boyfriends, or anybody else.  Not only would this be an impossible task, it would never be fulfilling to us.  God loves us, just the way we are, and He more than fulfills all of the expectations that anyone could ever have.

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 16:11

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Freedom...

If you know me very well at all, you know that I am easily distracted.  Especially when I have an internet connection.  I don't watch T.V. shows on a regular basis, but I love watching educational YouTube videos.  Unfortunately, as fun as they are to watch, I don't always watch the most useful or applicable videos for what I am currently studying. (for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADD7QlQoFFI)

Because I know that I am easily distracted, I have a program on my computer that blocks me from going to certain websites.  I can set it for a period of time for a list of specific sites.  When I have it turned on and attempt to go to one of these sites, I get the following screen:

The main message doesn't tell me that I'm blocked from the site.  It tells me I'm free from the site.

It doesn't always feel like freedom when I really want to visit the site and I can't access it.  But the thing is, I could choose to type in my password and access the site.  And I also have the freedom to choose not to do so.

For many people, they see religion as a jail, or a list of rules that you have to follow.  But it really isn't about that.  Religion is about being free from sin in Christ.

For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.  What then?  Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace?  By no means!  Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey-whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

Romans 6:14-16

I always have the choice of returning to the old master, sin.  But I know that it leads to death.  In Christ, I have the opportunity to follow a new master, obedience.  I get to choose to obey, not because of a list of rules hanging over my head, but because I want to follow God.  

True freedom isn't a freedom to be thoughtless and completely careless, but a freedom of choice.  I get to choose which master to serve.  Who will I serve today?

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Learning Over Winter Break

1.)  My body naturally sleeps for nine hours a night.

My parents may tell you that I sleep for nine hours a day, but you get the point.  This winter break has allowed my body to catch up on some much needed physical rest.  While sleep is never something that I have in abundance during the semester, I can hope that I will be able to make it a higher priority and get more than the fiver or six hours/night I got last semester.

2.)  I don't like to deal with my emotions.

I know that it's important to not just stuff them down.  However, there were a few times over this break where I just needed to cry and go pray.  Mental and emotional stuff that I thought I had 'worked through,' came up and I realized I wasn't as 'over it' as I had originally thought.

I have to keep giving these struggles to God, because many of them are previous hurts that I haven't truly or entirely given to Him.


3.)  Resting is good for the soul.

As mentioned before, over this break I was able to take the time to find out how much sleep my body gets when I don't interrupt it with alarms.  With the right amount of sleep I have found that my brain works much better in terms of creativity and the time I spend with God is much more meaningful and worthwhile.  (I'm not saying that I was wasting the time I spent with God when I wasn't well rested.  I'm saying that I should have been more well rested in general.  God calls us to work, but He also calls us to rest).

4.) A little bit of Russian.

We'll see if it stays in my brain and if I can continue working on the language as I keep up with college classes and my part time job.

5.)  Making arts and crafts is great way to spend my day.

I've made clay things, painted a 3'x3' canvas, created a paper tree with an x-acto knife.  All of them have been a joy to make and been wonderful to pass along to people to decorate or use in their lives.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  

Matthew 11:28-30

Lessons from a 77 Year Young Man

"Thank you, Lord, for this miserable day, because it is still one that you have made."  My grandfather said this in a prayer before a meal one day this week.  My parents and I were at his house to eat our dinner, as the icy rain in the morning had caused the power to go out for about seven and a half hours.  (My parents' house has electric heat and our stove is also electric, so we were there for supper.)

As a 77 year old veteran of the Korean War, who has been farming his entire life, my grandfather has seen his fair share of miserable days.  He has had 3 joints replaced and his hands are full of gout and arthritis but yet he still farms. He has raised 3 children and held many grandchildren.  He has shot a squirrel in my grandma's kitchen and lead many 4-H calves through the pasture with his kids and some of his grand kids.  He isn't a perfect man (he sometimes forgets to give my Grandmas Christmas or anniversary gifts), but he sure does know that he needs to be grateful for what he has.

Some people would hear what my grandfather said about God making a miserable day and say that he wasn't being grateful.  However, I think the fact that my grandfather was able and willing to state that the day had had miserable weather and still thank God for it is amazing.  You see, pretending like it had been good when it wasn't would be a lie.  Instead he acknowledged that the day had been gross, but was still thankful for the day of life that God had given him, despite the circumstances.

It's easy to be thankful for a warm house when the electricity comes back on after being off for most of the day.  It's easy to be thankful for sunshine and rain with rainbows.  It's simple to be thankful for your food.  But am I thankful for life itself?  God created me for a purpose on this Earth.  He loves me and gives me a lifetime of grace.  Am I thankful for that?

Each and every day is a gift.

This is the day the Lord has made.

We will be glad and rejoice in it.

Psalm 118:24 (NLT)

What is this Season?

People who know me very well know that I do not enjoy Christmas.  This is for a variety of reasons.  The Christmas music can be a bit repetitive and annoying.  It is a holiday that is becoming increasingly consumeristic.  I don't enjoy the cold that comes with snow that many other people are so fond of.  Christmas socials and Christmas parties are exhausting for me.  And why have ugly Christmas sweaters become such a popular thing in recent years?  Isn't it counter-intuitive to go shopping to find the 'best' ugly sweater possible?  But I digress.

I have recently been using the Bible reading plans on my Bible app on my phone.  They are typically pretty short, but are a good way to begin my quiet time.  I recently finished one, and many of the suggested plans that popped up had to do with advent.  At first I was leery.  It's not that I don't like reading about the Biblical story behind Christmas.  I mean, the whole reason I don't like Christmas is because of how skewed the world has made it.  It's just hard, because frequently even church events can be overwhelming for me in this season.  I tend to go to Christmas events because it's the 'right thing to do,' instead of going to center myself.  In the end, it's just tiring and instead of learning or centering myself, I find myself exhausted.  (Life of the introvert.)  

  I finally decided that an advent devotional would be a good idea, and help me focus on what I really need to be focused on rather than being focused on how annoyed I get at the consumerism that surrounds me.  Through this I was reminded that the season of advent is not about awaiting Christmas.  It's hopefully waiting for Christ's birth.  But beyond that, I was reminded that advent is not just the season in our liturgical calendar that happens in the 4 Sundays before Christmas.  Advent is the season we are in at all times as we await Jesus' second coming.  

Advent is about remembering the hope we have in God.  Advent is about remembering God's perfect timing, both in sending his son for the first time and the second time.  Advent is about waiting, for God's perfect timing.  

For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery.  Ecclesiastes 8:6

And here is just a fun video in case you need a 'new' Christmas song.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

One Night United

Purdue's Campus has an annual event called 'Unite.'  During that one night a year, all of the Christian groups, clubs, organizations, and churches in our area come together to worship.  In that one night it doesn't matter if you are Protestant or Catholic.  It doesn't matter if you're Baptist or Presbyterian.  In that one night, we all come together and worship God.  We pray together, that God would give us revival in our own lives so that we can spread revival with the rest of Purdue's campus, and to the rest of the World.

That night happened a few weeks ago.  While we were worshiping and singing praise songs, I stopped singing for a second and closed my eyes.  I let my ears be filled with the sound of hundreds of voices singing praise to our God.  I stood silently and opened my eyes and let myself bask in the presence of fellow-believers who had chosen to praise God on a Saturday night.  I let God's spirit engulf me and wrap itself around me and remind me that I am never alone.

While I stood there silently and the rest of the people sang, Psalm 133 came into my mind.

How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!

It is like precious oil poured on the head,

running down on the beard,

running down on Aaron's beard,

down on the collar of his robe.

It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion.

For there the Lord bestows his blessing,

even life forevermore.

Psalm 133

I stood and sang, adding my voice to the hundreds of others, picturing us working together as one body to serve God.  I thought of literal muscles that contract and stretch to give us movement.  The sarcomere that has myosin and actin that use Adenosine Triphosphate (ATP) to allow our muscles to contract or relax.  How our digestive system is used to acquire the nutrients to make ATP, which the rest of our body uses at a form of energy.  It's all extremely intricate.  

Every single little bit of our bodies has a purpose.  Without every single part working properly, the rest doesn't work either.  The same is true of the body of Christ.  We are all Children of God.  When we let the devil convince us that our particular denomination or local church is more important than God himself and the church as a whole, we're doing it wrong.  

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  Romans 12:4-5

I pray that Unite continues to happen in the following years.  But I also pray, that it makes an impact that is bigger than one night.  I pray that as a community of believers, we can come together outside of Unite and start the revival that was prayed for at the event.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

A Semester of Thoughts and Struggles and a Tribute

This semester has been chaotic and crazy.  All of the classes I'm enrolled in are intense classes.  There is no way around that.  My grades are worst they've ever been, but this semester I've chosen to not make school my top priority.  It's not that I don't want to do my best.  It's not that I don't like my classes.  There are simply more important things to me than my grades.  

After a ten year battle with cancer, my aunt died partway through this semester.  She taught me how to paint and I spent numerous hours in her basement and art studio with her and my grandma with both of them teaching me.

When I told my church that I could help out with some of their artistic needs, I didn't realize how it would effect me.  I helped decorate a chalkboard with chalkboard markers for their coffee shop.  The Maple leaf, apple, and pumpkin were done by me.  While I used the chalk markers, I couldn't help but think back on my Aunt who had worked with me to show me how to paint with her.

This past week, I did a quick painting at a creative station at a service at church and someone told me that it was really cool that I knew how to use a spatula.  I wasn't using the spatula correctly and explained how I had seen my aunt use one in her paintings.  

My aunt taught me much more than how to paint.  She showed me what it looked like to not give up.  She showed me how to be joyful in circumstances.  Even as her body failed as a result of its own mutations, she kept trusting God.  

The last project that I painted with her was a few years ago.  We each painted  our own chair.  The legs of the chair are covered in my favorite Bible verses.  Each time I use my chair, I think back to her.  I think of her telling me to 'keep my tail up' as a reminder to keep my paint brush vertical.  I think of her giving me my giant stuffed frog on my thirteenth birthday, to remind me to 'Fully Rely On God.'  

This semester I have been unfocused as exams flew my way and I thought about my grandfather and cousin going through surgery while other social drama with friends slapped me in the face.  This semester has been insane while I try to be involved at church, do volunteer work, and keep writing papers and analyzing lab results for class.  This semester has been crazy while I run to work and class and complete math assignments and pre-labs.  This semester has been ludicrous, as I attempt to decide if becoming a doctor is really what I want to do with my life, since I now know that I don't want to study Biology.

This past week, I have been up until somewhere between 1am-3am every night doing homework, and had still made it to my 8:30 classes.  Last night, I went grocery shopping, came home and watched a movie while I crocheted.  I went to bed at midnight and rolled out of bed at 11:30 this morning.  It feels amazing to let my body take a much needed break.  I even took some time to cook while listening to praise music this morning. 

 

This morning, I have relished in taking the time to pray.  While I have tried to take the time to spend with God this semester, it has not been a simple task.  This morning, as I watched the chocolate melt on my stove and the snow fall outside my window, I realized that I don't know where God is going to lead me in life.  I know that He is calling me to Latin America when I finish my education.  But I don't know where precisely.  I don't know what I'm going to be doing.  I don't know if I'm going to be working with an organization or starting my own.  And this morning, I realized that I'm okay with that.  If this semester and my aunt have taught me anything, it's that trusting and finding my joy in God is the only thing that I can do in this world of chaos.  I don't get to control a lot of what happens to me, my family, or my friends, but I do get to decide how to react to it.  Today, I'm trusting God, with the faith and knowledge that He has the best plan for my life.

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors serve beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

Joshua 24:15

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Krystal's Testimony

This week, I have a guest blogger.  Meet Krystal, a friend of mine.  She has recently felt lead to share her testimony with the world.  I know that reading through it blessed my heart and I trust that it will bless you as well.  Here it is:

When I was in 3rd grade,  I wasn't a popular kid.  I didn't really even fit in at all. I was 
called names from kindergarten. They started with four eyes, then led to stupid and retard. 
Third grade was the worse. The other kids in my class was making fun of the way I read. 
They never stopped putting me down. Even some of my so called friends joined in. It never 
stopped, on the bus ride to school, at school, and on the bus ride home. I felt lost and had 
no confidence, and I had no self esteem. My reading problem wasn't the start, but it made 
it worse. I wanted to fit in so bad. I told myself I would do anything. 

Well by the end of the year, my parents had talked to my 3rd grade teacher. She told them 
what was going on. She told them to see about this private school. It was called Phillips 
Christian Academy (PCA). We checked it out. I was so excited about this school. My parents 
enrolled me that next school year. But the only thing was I had to take 3rd grade again. Yes 
this was my parents' and teacher's idea. I wasn't very happy, but I got over it.  

What I learned over the next 6 years is why I'm still standing here. Yes, I thought of 
ending my life because I felt like no one cared. I felt there was no way out. But a small voice 
came and said, "Don't! I love you, and you know it. You don't know what plans I have for 
your life. You are loved more than you will ever know."   I believe that voice I heard that day 
was God. See, I learned that Jesus was made fun of, and He didn't fit in either. People hated 
Him. I couldn't believe it. Why didn't He do something about it?  He was God's son.  Why
didn't He just prove who He was? But He didn't do anything.  He just let them make fun, bet 
on Him, and even kill Him. He died on the cross for me. He didn't do it just for me.  He did it 
for you.  He loves me and you so much He died for us. Wow!  I was on fire for God then.  I 
was baptized and accepted Christ in my life on September  13, 2002. It was a Friday, the 
thirteenth.  I gave my life to Him. 

 But my story didn't stop there. Freshmen year I decided it was time for me to go 
back to Pioneer.  I was afraid, but I remember I wasn't the same person anymore. God was 
right there with me. I found some pretty awesome friends, and most of them loved God. 
Wow!  Things were going better than planned.  But then I put God behind for what I 
wanted. See, like every teenager girl, I wanted a boyfriend more than anything. But I 
wanted to do it right.  I wanted him to have respect for me, good looking, of course, and 
love God.  Well, I went the opposite way. I dated someone that didn't believe in God.  It 
didn't seem like a problem, but it was. Summer happened, and we drifted.  We never saw 
each other.  We broke up a few months into the school year.  Yes, I was upset, but I 
remembered  what I asked God for.  I prayed my heart out so many times for my heart not 
to get broken, but it did because I was selfish and couldn't wait any longer.  That was a 
mistake, but God did protect my heart.  He was there through it all.  I didn't have to wait 
much longer.  Within a week, I was dating a guy that not only loved the Lord, but me.  

Why I'm telling you this part of my life is so you don't make the same mistakes.  Put 
God first in your life.  It might not be fun at times, but it will be worth it. Not everyone will 
find the one when they are 16.  Not everyone will marry their first kiss.  Yes, I did marry my 
high school sweetheart, my first kiss, and my best friend.  But I prayed and trusted God with 
it.  Also if you let God take the wheel, it will be amazing.  Just trust Him.  It is really hard. 
Trust me.  I have failed Him more than I ever thought I would.  I have fail so many time, but 
don't give up because you don't get what you want because God has some awesome plans, 
big plans, and way better than ours.  

Also my senior year, an English teacher told me if I would see my file, I would just 
laugh.  She said she read it so many times over and over again.  She couldn't believe I was 
the same girl.  She told me that little girl that is in your file is gone.  God did that.  He has 
changed me.   If you told me that I would be sharing my story of how God has worked in my 
life with others, I would have laughed at you and told you I couldn't do that.  But like I said, 
He has big plans for you.  Don't be scared.  Be on fire for Him!  Give all the glory to Him 
because I know I'm nothing without Him.  Plus God is still changing me. He will never stop. My story is still on going. Just know that He loves you and cares for you more than you know. He will never leave you or forsake you. 

Shinning His light in this dark world,
Krystal Shaffer

Finding a New Perspective

I recently stumbled across a some cool photo opportunities.

There is something interesting here.  Both of these pictures are of the same area.  In fact, I was standing in the exact same place for both pictures.  But for one of them, I chose to look up.  I then put the photo in sepia and added a spotlight effect to draw your focus to the most attractive part of the photo.

 In this picture, I made it black and white and did some cropping as well as some adjustment of the lighting.  Again, I was standing in the same exact spot for both of these photos.

In the first one here, you see the sun shining through the leaves.  In the other, you see the same thing, but the big white spot of light (the sun) is distracting and the colors are not nearly as vibrant because the shadows because of the light is making them appear darker because of where I'm standing in relationship to the source of the light. The leaves are casting shadows on each other from this perspective.  I had to move where I was standing to capture the true and most beautiful effect of the sun shining through the trees.

All of this is pretty cool to me.  There is beauty everywhere, which can be seen in a lot of these photos.  However, all of that depends on your perspective and your lighting.  This has made me think about my perspective on life.  Do I need to move to experience something in a better and beautiful way?  What is my source of light? Am I letting Him shine in all areas of my life or am I casting a shadow on some parts?  Do I just need to look up and focus on the right thing?

Because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself.  All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.  Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  

2 Corinthians 4: 14-18

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Crazy Time

They tell you in college you should be doing 2-3 hours of studying, reading, and homework for every hour that you are in class.  This semester, I am in 17 credit hours and in class for about 20 hours per week.  (I have lab classes that are 1 or 2 credit hours but meet for a total of 3-4 hours each week)  I recently did the math to learn how much free time I had.  First, let's say that there are 6 days in a work week, in order to give myself a Sabbath.  This means that there are 144 hours in a work week.  If I sleep 8 hours a night, am in class for 20 hours a week, study 40 hours a week, and work my part time job for 10 hours, this leaves me with 4 and 1/3 hours a day to make food, eat, shower, chill with friends, volunteer, travel between locations on campus, go to club meetings, blog, and just recharge doing any other recreational activities.

This is super interesting to me.  Quite simply, I do not sleep for 8 hours every night.  Nor did I feel that I had time to volunteer at the after school program this week that I like to volunteer at.  Nor did I talk to my parents.  I also did a pretty bad job of having a meaningful prayer and Bible-reading time with God this week.  Why?  Because it requires a daily commitment.  An hourly commitment.

Saying that I'm walking with God is easy.  Actually walking with him is another.  I like to spend a daily time in prayer and Bible reading.  I call this my 'devotions.'  But am I really devoted to these things?  Am I devoted to living a life for God?  I just broke down that I am (or know that I should be) spending 60 hours a week doing academic work.  This is a life choice.  It's a choice that I am glad that I've made.  How many hours a week am I working toward growing in God?

Something that I've remembered lately is that everything I do needs to be for Him.  Right now, He is calling me to be a student.  Because of that, I should be the very best student that I can be.  I also need to remember that while I'm working and studying.  My motivation shouldn't be a good grade or a raise at work.  My motivation to do my best should be bring glory to God.

He has made me aware that this is something I need to work on.  It is something that I will be working on for my entire life.  It is easy to forget about the true focal point, but the picture is much more beautiful when you're focused on the right thing.

The foreground of this picture is clear, the fence is well-defined.  The gorgeous mountains behind it, however are not in focus, so you miss much of the potential beauty in the photo.  

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Colossians 3:1-2

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Warning: The Cheesiness of this Analogy is Overwhelming

I went on a trip to Indianapolis with my church this weekend.  It was from Friday evening through Saturday morning, and it was a great chance to connect with new people and just enjoy some time away from the academic world of studying.  On the drive back, I asked a friend of mine what I should blog about for this week.  Her reply: You should blog about cheese.

I sat there for a moment trying to think of the various things and memories that I knew about cheese.  Friday night I had sat with a few new acquaintances and we had combined Cheez Its with the filling from Oreo cookies (not as bad as you may think).  I also ate cheese puffs on Friday.  For supper, I had a salad that had a little bit of cheese sprinkled on it.  But as I thought about cheese, the thing that my brain flashed back to was a skit from the old Carol Burnett show (Yes, I know that I should be too young to remember it, but my parents raised me on the classics!).

There was a skit with Tim Conway from the Carol Burnett show where he has to weigh a half pound of cheese.  I found a video of the whole skit on YouTube, and it is below.  If you're in a hurry, the part that  I will be referencing is from 8:55 to 11:00, although it's all pretty funny.

Basically the butcher has the whole block of cheese and can play it like a flute.  Then, when there is only a little of bit of cheese, the customer tries to blow through it and can't bring out a single note.  While using cheese as a flute probably isn't all that realistic, it does create an interesting analogy about the body of Christ. 

One of the things that we really focused on during the road trip was how important having community is.  In order to serve God, we need every single piece of God's body.  We also have to be willing to be vulnerable with each other and be our true selves when we are together.  This is messy, and it can be difficult to show your true self at all times.  It can also feel burdensome to let people see your rough edges.  In the end though, when we all come together as the body of Christ, or as one block of cheese, we experience a kind of community that is without description.  It' a kind of community that can't be broken down.  When one part hurts, the other part hurts.  And when one part rejoices, the whole body can dance (or be a cool cheese block flute).

  For just as each of us has one body with members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Romans 12:4-5

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

F.y.I.  I know I've missed 2 weeks in a row on my blogs.  Once I figure out a day when I consistently have time, I will hopefully start blogging once a week again.

First Day of Classes

Tomorrow is my first day of classes of my sophomore year here at Purdue University. Their isn't much of a difference between this year and last, but this time, all of my course numbers start with a number 2 instead of a number 1.

This weekend, I have not had a whole lot of time to recharge.  I spent several hours on Saturday working through some relationship issues with a friend of mine.  On Sunday, I was helping out in the nursery for the first church service and then went to the next church service with a few people that I had invited to come with me, as it was their first Sunday on campus.  I definitely enjoyed worshiping next to people that I have grown up with and have become close to over the years.  One of my friends snapped this picture of the worship.

After the small crowd at church during the summer, it was pretty cool to see the crowd of people again, as everyone is back on campus and no one is distracted with schoolwork yet.  The sanctuary was full and the overflow area downstairs was packed as well (they have the service on monitors downstairs). After the second service, we all had pizza together.

In the afternoon on Sunday, I had another event to attend that took another 2 hours of my day.  Now it is late Sunday and I am headed into this new school year with a full heart.  I pray that God will continue to reveal his path for me this year and that He will teach me to love all of those around me.

Mark 12:29-33

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Rainy and Refreshing Roadtrips

I've been a bit busy, so this blog is a summary in pictures of my last weekend.

I recently went on a trip with a couple of really good friends of mine, Emma and Jamie.  It started around the time of a sunset, as we all had to meet up after we got off of work or got done with our regular workweek lives.  Emma had planned this and had decided to make it more of a surprise trip for us.  We had some pretty heavy rain on our way to where we were staying that night, but we got through, and the clouds and sky are always pretty if you ask me. 

On our first fantastic stop, we enjoyed a video tour of the Jelly Belly warehouse and ate some delicious jelly beans.  We weren't allowed to take pictures during the tour, but they had a cute sign.

We then proceeded to Mars Cheese Castle where we bought some Wisconsin cheese and made some lunch in the minivan.  Wisconsin cheese is delicious.  

On our way to the next location, it rained a lot.  This is a picture of my window that I thought looked pretty cool.  Of course, our next location was to our campsite, so we were all hopeful that it would stop raining soon.

We only had to sit in the van for a little while before the weather cleared up and we got to see this gorgeous view as we trekked around the campgrounds after the tent was set up.

 The campgrounds had an amphitheater, so Jamie and Emma put on a play for me.  Jamie has a stick in her hand, by the way.

Later that night, we overheard some women talking about a church service on Sunday morning at the amphitheater.  We ended up going to church with a little group from a local church that happened to be camping in the same campgrounds as us!

 We climbed 2 observation towers and were amazed when we reached the top of the second one.  It was pretty cool to see this weather happening so far away.  I was amazed at the contrast that you could see from that distance.  It made me think of about the fact that God is with you, even when you can't see Him working and don't feel Him.  The people that were stuck in that storm were probably not all that happy about having to get wet in order to do anything outside.  Children in the storm may have felt trapped inside.  But the sun was still there.  It was still warming the earth around them just like it has been for a very long time.  They just couldn't see it.  

And on a good note for the three of us, it didn't rain on us for the remainder of the trip.

On Sunday, we headed to the National Mustard Museum.  I had no idea there were so many kinds of mustard, but there are!  Some of them are weirder than others, like Cranberry Mustard or Chocolate Mustard.  

Next to the Mustard Museum was a cute, local diner so we grabbed lunch from there before heading back to Indiana to plunge back into our 'normal' lives.  The diner had some pretty delicious looking carrot cake, but was known best for it's pie, which was delicious!

One last picture of all three of us together at the campgrounds!

On the way back to Indiana I just kept thinking about how grateful I am to have these awesome friends.  These women of God have continuously pulled me back to God through my various highs and lows.  This trip was super refreshing for me.  From laughing at our ridiculous level of silliness together to singing Psalms with made up melodies while sitting on a hill overlooking gorgeous views of God's creation, I am more than happy that these girls decided to get together with me this weekend.  This weekend-long expedition has finished but my friendship with these amazing people has only begun!  

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo