1 Week

This week I made a decision to take a week off of work this summer.  During that time, I will make a trip to Mexico and spend time at Refuge Ranch, where I lived with my family for 2 years in high school.  As I thought about going back I realized how much I've missed the lifestyle and culture that existed at the Ranch.  You see, Refuge Ranch is a home where children are adopted from broken and abandoned families.  It's not an orphanage.  It is a place where children are adopted into one large family and shown the love of Jesus.  They work to earn a good education and watch as their parents strive to honor God.  It was absolutely amazing to watch the children grow over the two years that I was there.  It was cool to watch as they gained knowledge from school and blossomed in the love from God that flowed through their parents.  It was awesome to watch the kids learn to give love back and learn to trust God with their desires.

As I contemplated everything I had grown to love at the Ranch I remembered how I first got involved there.  I have a vague memory of the two co-founders of the organization coming to my church when I was very small.  But what I really remember was a trip in elementary school.  It was my first mission trip and it was to Refuge Ranch with my family.  It lasted one week and I was in love.  When the time came to leave I was not prepared for the overwhelming feelings of sorrow.  Two years later, when my church planned another trip, my family joined again.  This time we knew that we were going to go move down long term eventually, but it was still just a one week trip. Saying goodbye to people you love will never be easy, and that was true as I left the ranch.

I have since lived at Refuge Ranch and moved back, as mentioned previously.  I got to take part in Evangelical Medical Mission Crusades organized by Fishers of Men (the organization that also runs Refuge Ranch).  It has been more than three years since I have visited Mexico.  During this time, one of the children died from surgical complications, new buildings are beginning to be built to aid expansion of the family, and all of the children have grown.  I'm sure that the younger children don't remember me.

When I look at current photos of the kids, I am amazed at the change that can be seen physically.  I am sure that they have all also experienced a lot of change spiritually as well.  It has been 3 years.  Not only have they changed, so have I.  I've nearly survived through my first year of college (2 more weeks).  I am still learning how to show God's love to people.  I have most definitely changed as well over these past three years.  I hope that my spiritual life has matured as much as the kids have changed physically over these three years.

 It took me one week to fall in love with the culture, the smiles, the land, and the people of Refuge Ranch.  I have not forgotten the love of that one week.  Many years have passed since that very first one week trip.  I have changed and grown a lot since that first one week trip.  God  changed me during that trip, but I have recently realized that He has been trying to change me every week since then.  He has been trying to sculpt me and smooth out my roughness.  He is trying to make me into a Godly woman.  There are definitely days and weeks and months when I fight His hands.  Sometimes I like a particular rough patch and don't want it smoothed out.  Sometimes it hurts to let certain parts of me go.  But God doesn't give up.  He gives me the necessary grace.  In one week in Mexico, God changed me.  I have to wonder how my life would be different if I had given Him every week after that like I gave him that one week.  A lot happens over three years.  A lot can happen over one week when we let God be in charge.  It's easy to take charge of your own life, but it's amazing when you let God take control, to sculpt and mold you into his intended creation.

No one calls on your name or strives to lay hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us and have given us over to our sins.  Yet you, Lord, are our Father.  We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64: 7-8 (emphasis added)

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Thoughts from a Pensive Weekend

After supper I get up from the table and help my family put the leftovers into the fridge.  I have to rearrange everything in the refrigerator just to get everything to fit.  We've all been there.  Sometimes it just feels like a time-consuming annoyance.  However, as these words escape my mouth I realize that this is really a blessing.  I have so much food that some of it will probably go bad before my family can eat it all.  

After I've cleaned up supper, I do my homework.  Some nights this takes me four hours.  I don't want to complain about this because it's an opportunity that many children don't ever have.  I should be thankful for my education, homework included.  there are many people in this world who are smarter than me, but they never receive an education.  I've done nothing to earn this "right."  It's something I was born into, and for that I thank God.

At the end of my day I walk into the bathroom where my brother just took a shower.  I can't see myself in the mirror because his shower had hot, running water and the mirror is foggy.  This is yet another luxury that many people don't have.

Before I climb into bed I sit in my hammock that is in front of the mural that I painted my sophomore year of high school.  I pray and thank God for friends, a working body, a mind that readily absorbs information, and for his compassion, that is new every morning.  Without Him, I wouldn't be anything.  He gives me a new beginning every single day.  

I wrote the above section during high school, but feel that it is a good beginning of my thoughts as this week begins.  This past weekend, I got to spend some time thinking about my life with my friend who does ministry in Kyrgzstan.  I met him when I was in Mexico.  This weekend I spent a long time talking to him and discussing a lot of where I am in my growth in life in general and towards God.  We discussed what goals I want to pursue and what goals I am actually pursuing with what I am currently doing.

He helped me realize a lot of things about myself while we conversed.  He also helped me see how off-center my life currently is.  It's something that I've known in the back of my mind, but has been easy to push away and ignore.  I'm thankful for people like my friend, who are willing to let God use them.  I'm also thankful that as I begin to work on issues that were pointed out to me this weekend that God gives me new compassion and opportunity every morning.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 

What do You See?

It's exam season!  Before my most recent exam, I sat down next to a friend.  (Yay, I have one now!! :P )  I started talking to her as she traced words in pen that were written in her notebook.  I glanced at it and saw that it was labelled "prayer before a test."  She saw me glancing at it and apologized to me.  I'm not really sure why she felt the need to apologize for praying, but I just sort of shrugged the apology off.  Since the door was open, I proceeded to steer the conversation towards some of my recent thoughts.

I told her that this whole semester I've been asking myself, "Am I good enough?  Am I smart enough?  Am I hard-working enough?  Do I manage time well enough?  Am I good enough to do what I need to do as a student and as a person at Purdue and in this world?"  As this semester has grinded on and I've continued to question, and my conclusion has been that I am NOT enough.  But I have also realized that I am not supposed to be enough.  God has put me where I am today.  He has put me here to shine His light, not mine.  If I was good enough to excel ridiculously easily, I would not depend on Him.  It would be much harder to show that it is through God that I can be successful.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

While I was talking with my friend before the exam, I knew that God told us his grace would be shown in our weaknesses, and I knew that it was in one of the books written by Paul, but I could not remember where the verse was located.  She asked me where it came from, and I referenced all of the times in the Bible when God used the least likely person to accomplish great things (Moses, Rahab, Paul, most of the disciples, etc).  I am not the smartest or the greatest at anything.  I would be a fool to think that I was.  But I do serve the most powerful and most amazing God who uses everyone and everything for his purpose.

I did not anticipate to see God before my Biology exam, but I did.  I saw Him in my friend saying her prayer.  I thought about Him as I spoke to her about my thoughts.  I do now know how I did on the exam yet, but I know that I did my best, and I know that God will use whatever grade I got for His glory.  My only job is to let Him have the glory.  It is very easy for me to forget to look for God in the little things, but clearly when I take the time to look for Him, He is always here, with me.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Abraham and Isaac

There is a story in the Old Testament that I really like.  The story of Abraham and Isaac.  You can find it in Genesis 17-22.  But I will summarize it here as well.  Abraham and his wife were too old to have children.  God promised them a son long after the time in their lives when they would have expected to have children.  God also promised that their son would be the beginning of a lineage of many nations that would be God's people.  Eventually, this actually happened and both Abraham and Sarah were amazed.  Abraham and Sarah now had one son.  They knew they would not have other children, so they loved Isaac dearly.

Then, God came to Abraham and told Abraham to sacrifice his son just as he would normally sacrifice a lamb.  Abraham was an obedient and Godly man, so he proceeded to take Isaac to the location chosen by God.  Just as Abraham was about to sacrifice his son, he was stopped by the angel of the Lord.  Abraham then found a ram caught in the bushes that he could sacrifice to his son.

In many ways, this story is similar to the story of Easter.  Isaac was already dead in Abraham's mind, because Abraham knew that he needed to follow God.  He also knew that God had promised that Isaac would have many descendants, so while Abraham did not know how God was going to fulfill His promise, Abraham did know that it would be fulfilled.  In the same way, Jesus' followers did not know how Jesus was going to fulfill his promises, but they knew that they would be fulfilled, because He was the messiah.  My thoughts were on these parallels yesterday as I enjoyed an Easter dinner and time with my family.

Today, my mind moves to how the story of Abraham and Isaac relates to my life.  I know that God has a plan for me that is much greater than anything I would ever be able to even imagine.  I don't know how this plan is going to happen, which terrifies me.  I like to have plans.  However, I do know that His plans will come to fruition, just as they did with Jesus and Abraham.  I also know that God's goal is not to make me happy.  I'm sure that Abraham was not happy when God asked him to sacrifice his son.  But I also know that it worked out in the end.  God may ask me to give up parts of myself.  He may ask me to give up friends and relationships.  He will ask me to give up bad habits.  Again, His goal is not to make me happy.  However, he does want what is best for me.  He asks me to be holy.  To be separate from the world.

As a baby, I tried to eat dog food.  My parents have informed me that they stopped me whenever I tried to get into the dog food.  I'm sure that at the time, I was not happy with them.  I could not see that dog food was not the best thing for me.  I did not know that there were things that tasted better and would be of better nutritional content.  In the same way, I still cannot see the whole picture that God can.  When I say that He does not want me to be happy, I say that because I know that what He does in my life may not seem like the best thing for me when it is happening.  However, I do know that His Plan is better for my life than my plan is.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Seeking the Truth

The more I investigate into current issues the more I realize that it all depends on your interpretation of the events/laws/bills at hand.  Words from my boss from the past summers come to mind: "Perception becomes reality."  Everyone has their own perception of things.  They also have their own preconceived notions of what to expect which effects their perception.

For example, when lots of people are going crazy about a book and I read it, I almost never love the book as much as everyone else.  This is because I go into the book with such high expectations that oftentimes I feel let down when I'm done reading the book.  In Psychology class I recently learned that if you smile you're more likely to be happy, so we now know that Botox injections can help with depression because it's hard to be sad when your face is stuck in a smile.  You're also more likely to find a joke funnier if you're smiling when you first see it.  I've learned through Ted talks that if I stand with a confident pose I'm more likely to act confident even if I'm not actually confident.  I'm also more likely to be less outgoing if I sit in a smaller, weaker pose.  (You can find this Ted talk here and here is a nice Crashcourse to Psycholgy.)

Lately I've been investigating a controversial issue in my home state.  The more I examine, the more I am amazed by how many different ways this issue can be interpreted.  There are hundreds of blog posts being circulated over the internet.  A lot of these posts are interpretations of the matter.  The most amazing thing to me is that one opinion doesn't represent an uneducated side while the other does.  Both sides here are educated.  There are lawyers and professors and clergy looking at the same exact issue and going to completely opposite sides of the spectrum.

For the first day, this baffled me.  I couldn't understand how there was such a difference in the interpretations for one bill.  That is when my former boss's word's came to me, "Perception becomes reality."  He used it to remind his camp staff that what you think you are seeing is your reality.  He mostly used it to remind us how are actions would be perceived by others, since there are plenty of observers at a summer camp.   This quote from my boss coupled with the previous note about Psychology helps me to understand why there are so many different interpretations for what is actually happening in my state.  Everyone is coming in with their own thoughts, their own biases, their own preconceived notions, and interpreting the controversy.

After I had come to this realization, I had another question.  How am I supposed to form my own opinion about this?  I have read the actual bill.  I didn't understand it.  I could look up someone's interpretation, but that takes me right back to the original problem.  And then I realized something.  I might not be able to know 100% right now.  But what I can keep doing is living the way God tells me to live in His Word.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."

John 8: 31-32

God knows the truth and the right way.  It's Him I should depend on for this issue and Him alone.  Not other's interpretation.  Not my own preconceived notions.  Not others opinions.  God.

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.

Luke 8:17

Someday the truth will be shown, and I'm going to keep doing my best to love God in the meantime.

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Living or Existing

Due to an inability to put my current mess of thoughts into coherent sentences and paragraphs, I am going to share a writing assignment that I wrote during my senior year of high school.  It was written in response to a prompt that asked about the difference between existing and living.

Some people go through life doing the bare minimum.  They simply drift through and manage to exist.  They breathe, but they do not care.  They simply breathe because their body does it automatically.

There are other people who live lives that are a stark contrast compared to those who simply exist.  They want to live.  They strive to do their best.  People who live want to be remembered by others even after they are gone.  People who live push themselves to surpass the standards and expectations that are impressed upon them.

The difference between living and existing is like the difference between light and dark.  The is no in between.  Where there is darkness, there is not light.  In the same way, I cannot live in some areas of my life but not others: doing my best for God at church, but not at school.  Everything I do should be for God, and it should be my very best.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your hear, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:23-24

Living in Reckless Abandonment for Jesucristo,

Jo

Tourism in Indiana

For my spring break this semester, I asked my roommate to come home with me.  She decided to just come with me for the first part of the week, as she has a project due soon after break that she wants to work on during this time.  Since she is with me and is from Malaysia and this is her first time visiting the United States, I figured that she would want to do some form of tourist activity.  However, there isn't a whole lot to do in my area.  When I mentioned that we could just spend time at my grandparents house, who have a farm, she seemed to get really excited about a farm.  As such, we made plans to visit my grandparents farm and walk around there.  We also planned to visit a local dairy farm during the time when they normally feed their calves.  

On Saturday we visited the first farm which was my grandparents' farm.  We fed the chickens, went up in the hay loft and looked at the rectangular bales of straw .  My roommate was enthralled as we meandered about the farm and into the pasture where the cattle were.  We walked past the cattle with the three calves, and headed into the woods where we made a large loop and saw where my grandfather keeps his round hay bales.     We also had the opportunity to show her the various tree stands that hung in the trees for the many hunters that patrol the woods each year.  My cousin was also with us and remarked that it was good that I was in my bright orange shirt.  I'm doubtful that there were any hunters in the woods in the middle of the day, and if there were I'm sure that they didn't stick around when three loud girls came trampling through.  

On Sunday we made last minute plans to visit another farm before we went to the dairy farm.  We went to a farm where they had chickens, a duck, 2 pigs, a few goats, 3 horses, and 2 calves.  While there, the owner offered to let her ride a horse.  That was the plan until someone else arrived and he decided that she should try to drive the tractor.  My roommate drove his tractor with his instructions.  She drove it through the pasture and the horses followed behind, anxious for a chance to enjoy the open field.  When the owner of the farm and my roommate arrived back at the barn, he informed us that the horses would be hard to catch now that they were in the pasture.  He told us that we could come back later in the day if she wanted to ride. 

From there we went back to my house to watch "The Princess Bride," one of my family's favorite movies.  

After the movie, it was time to head to the dairy farm.  They were milking and my roommate enjoyed watching the process of cleaning the udders and attaching the milkers to the udders.  My friend from the dairy farm proceeded to fill a couple of bottles for my roommate and me to feed to the 2 calves that needed to be bottle fed.  My friend filled a couple of buckets to feed to the other 2 calves in the same pen that could drink out of the buckets.  The calves quickly drank the bottles and we were informed that each calf got 1 bucket or 2 bottles.  My roommate and I headed out to give the calves their last bottle and my friend from the farm occupied the other 2 calves in the pen who had already eaten but would get in our way if they were not kept occupied.  Basically, my friend let them suck on her fingers.  Once the calves were done with their bottles, we decided to stay and help my friend finish feeding the rest of the calves that could all drink from buckets.  After feeding the 20 calves, it was time to head back to the previous farm to ride one of their horses.

We thanked the dairy farmers and proceeded to the second farm where a fresh load of laundry was blowing in the wind as it dried on their clothesline.  Seeing that, I wondered when my own mother would start using her clothesline again, as it is now warm enough that the clothes don't just freeze on the line.  The owner quickly brushed and saddled his horse.  My roommate struggled a little bit to get into the saddle, but from there she sat in the saddle as the owner led the horse around the yard while I talked to the owner's wife.  I got my own chance to ride the horse and accepted, as I'll take any chance I can to get into a saddle.  We then thanked the owners of the farm and headed on our way.

When I first started this process of finding farms that my roommate and I could visit, I assumed that she would be able to learn a lot about Midwestern culture and farms in general.  However, I have discovered, that I have also learned a lot.  Not necessarily about Midwestern culture, but about my community.  As I drove around our town, my roommate was amazed at the variety of houses we have.  Almost all of them have a unique design.  Not only that, but all of the farmers have been great.  They've let us come in and walk around on their property and ask lots of questions about how things work.  I've always known that I'm blessed.  It's something that I've been told while I grew up.  But visiting these farms has made me realize how blessed I really am.  I live in a community with people who care about each other and love each other.  My grandmother took my roommate and I to Happy Burger, a local restaurant.  While there, the owner came and visited with us.  The certainly doesn't happen in every community.  Sometimes it can be frustrating to live in a community where it feels like you know everyone.  Over this spring break, I've realized that it's really a huge blessing to know my neighbors and my community as a whole.  And it's only Monday.  

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Romans 12 :4-5